Have a Drink on Me

Alcohol is amazing, isn’t it? I mean, it’s found at virtually every event an adult attends. People toast champagne at weddings and down whiskey during wakes. They drink beers during sports games and sip cocktails at happy hour after a long day of work. You can find cultured adults at wine tasting events in Napa and college students pounding Jell-o shots and guzzling random spirits mixed with fruit juices at house parties. Alcohol is a cornerstone to virtually every culture in the world, and I’m thankful that the show “Three Sheets” exists to help spread the good word.

“Three Sheets” is a show on the Fine Living network that airs weeknights at 10 p.m. The program is hosted by actor, writer and comedian Zane Lamprey, who travels around the world to learn about the different drinking customs of various countries and regions. He’s been to places like Champagne, France where he found out it was distasteful to chug the region’s namesake drink and Tanzania where he drank a homemade mead-like concoction with local tribesmen. And that’s just two out of nearly three dozen places he’s visited so far. He’s even traveled to famous drinking places in the United States, such as Las Vegas and Kentucky (home of the national spirit: bourbon). Pretty much, if there is a place that has unique alcohol, Lamprey is there. 

The show is a mixture of a science class, a travel show and a night out partying with friends. I could see a program like this easily slipping into stupidity by just showing the same thing night after night (“Oh, Zane is getting drunk AGAIN”), but the show avoids this by adding the other two elements. He’ll talk science by telling the audience how a particular spirit is made or what makes a beverage different from another similar one (i.e. grappa versus pisco). And the travel show facet arises when Lamprey gives a brief history lesson of the area he’s visiting, like when he visited Croatia and explained how the modern day tie was invented there.

But, at the same time, the show isn't too intellectual or stuffy. Lamprey and his crew make the show as fun as possible. Sometimes it is a little heavy on the silliness due to an array of sound effects and cheap visual gags, but it never ventures in that direction for too long. Lamprey is a genuinely funny guy and somebody who I’d personally love to go drinking with. He’s quick to make friends at whatever bar he finds himself and is gracious to people who try to steal the spotlight or score free drinks (though he does give them a bit of teasing). If I had to choose a person to watch drink night after night, it would definitely be Lamprey.

And here is the best part of the show: it’s also a drinking game. As you may be able to discern from my love of Deadpool, I’m a fan when the fourth wall separating me and my subject gets broken, so the fact that there is audience participation makes my day. Here’s a brief outline of the rules. When Lamprey drinks, you drink. When Lamprey mentions his friend Steve McKenna, you drink. If you see a puppy, you drink. If you're the first spot Lamprey’s toy monkey, Pleeplius, you can make somebody else drink. And if somebody in your group burps, the last person to put up the “good burp” sign (thumb on your forehead, pinky in the air) has to drink. There’s more to it, but these are the basic rules. While I haven’t tried this game out yet, I’m boiling over with anticipation for the night that I get to.

Everybody drinks, and that’s not a bad thing. The liquid medium has an ability to magnify whatever emotions we put into it. It allows for celebrations to be merrier and gives us the ability to deflect sorrow for a bit longer. Partaking in its consumption also allows you to taste the essence of faraway places such as the thick Guinness stout that Ireland lends us or the crisp, refreshing taste Jamaican Red Stripe offers. It’s exciting, it’s revealing, and most importantly, it’s fun. 

Watch "Three Sheets" here!

The Many Forms of Deadpool

After class Monday night, I decided to make a stop by my local Blockbuster. I’ve had a couple of movies longer than I should have, and I noticed they charged the films to my credit card. Taking this as an appropriate sign that they wanted their merchandise back, I didn’t want to put off the chore any longer. I intended to walk in and out, but a video game caught my eye: Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 (specifically the version for the Wii).

If you aren’t in the know (read: not a nerd), MUA2 is a dungeon-crawling role-playing game in which you control various Marvel superheroes and villains and proceed through various missions. As the title suggests, this is a sequel to the 2006 game that came out for various game systems. It was well received, most critics citing the expansive character selection and quality game play as high points. Most importantly, though, I enjoyed it a lot. Of course, a Marvel game would have to be terrible for to not enjoy it at least a little bit, but I digress.

So, along with handing over my tardy DVDs to the clerk, I proceeded to checkout MUA2. The clerk, apparently a fellow nerd, then challenged me to play as the Invisible Woman for the first half of the game. I respectfully declined saying that my two favorite heroes would be sharing my time: Iron Man and Deadpool. “Deadpool?” he sighed, shaking his head with obvious disappointment. What could he possibly have against Deadpool? Then it hit me that the movie “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” was being released on DVD the next day, and any negative reactions the name “Deadpool” would bring up probably came from that debacle. Let me explain….

“X-Men Origins: Wolverine” struck a sour note with me for not only being linear, formulaic and surprisingly boring, but because of the hack job it did with my beloved Deadpool. See, Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson, is a mercenary who has some serious mental problems. He rants with an ADD-like tenacity, not shutting up even when his life depends on it. Also, he frequently breaks the fourth wall between him and the reader, making him one of the few self-aware comic book characters. Beyond those quirks, he has a healing factor and is skilled at killing people in dozens of different ways.

This depiction of Deadpool apparently wasn’t interesting enough for Fox Studios. Instead they featured Wade Wilson, who was played excellently by Ryan Reynolds, and turned him into what is called “Weapon XI.” Weapon XI was a genetic experiment where the government gave Wilson other mutants’ super powers, including but not limited to laser eyes and teleportation. So, instead of having a smart-mouthed merc who carries a lot of guns and swords, the filmmakers opted for the final boss of a fighting game. Even worse, Weapon XI’s mouth was sealed shut, so any opportunity of witty banter was destroyed.

Sure, the fight scene between Weapon XI, Wolverine and Sabertooth was pretty to watch, but it was boring and never reached any worthy climax. And sacrificing my dear Deadpool for that was devastating. Sure, my regenerating degenerate will be getting his own film in a few years, and Ryan Reynolds has been saying that if he has anything to do with it, then it’ll be the real deal, but promising something sweet tomorrow doesn’t take the bitter taste out of my mouth today.

All in all, I understood the clerk’s disdain for Deadpool if his only experience was the Wolverine movie. But that didn’t diminish my excitement for the game. And when I got home I was pleasantly surprised to see that Deadpool was a playable character virtually right away. The video game’s depiction of Deadpool is immeasurably better than his in “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” but it’s unfortunately one-dimensional. Like I said, Deadpool is a self-aware comic book character, so he does bring up things like the fact that he hasn’t seen somebody since issue 16 from time to time. But he does this intermittently. If he spouted off about being in a comic book every two seconds, it would be annoying…which is what he does in MUA2. And it doesn’t help the situation that the voice actor for Deadpool sounds like Michelangelo from “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” It’s almost enough to make me not want to play as him.

Almost.

Truth is that my adoration of Deadpool runs deeper than the shallow annoyances the game brings me. He’s a truly unique and interesting character in the Marvel universe and is part of one of the best series of comic book series I have ever read (Cable & Deadpool). I’ll suffer through all of the Weapon XIs and stereotypical video game characters the universe can throw at me if it means one day I’ll see him on the silver screen kicking butt and cracking jokes like only Deadpool can. But, in the mean time, that guy seriously needs to get a personal relations consultant.

Top Five Songs With "La la la" or Other Similar Phrase

Listening to the lyrics of a song is frequently a difficult task for me. Having to interpret words from different voices while they are entering my ears at a fast pace is a lot for me to keep up with. Maybe that doesn’t say a lot about me, but it’s the truth. However, some songs have made it easy for me to pick out lyrics. I’m primarily talking about songs that use lyrical phrases such as “la la la” or “na na na” or the like. Those words, if they can even be considered words, always manage to ingrain themselves in my memory pair with whatever tune accompanied them. So, this month my top five list is The Top Five Songs With “La la la” or Other Similar Phrase. This type of lyrical phrase has been used for decades and can still be seen in bands such as Everclear (“Wonderful”) and Pink (“So What”). So without further adieu….

5. “Centerfold” by The J. Geils Band: Some songs contain such stirring emotions that you can’t help but to be moved by their melody and lyrics. This is not one of those songs. This 1982 hit is nothing but light, catchy fun. I mean, the song is about a girl this guy had a crush on in high school who ended up being a centerfold in a skin mag. How serious could it possibly be? But the song had so much energy and charisma that it topped the Billboard Hot 100 chart for six weeks and was rated #52 on Billboard’s All Time Top Songs. And on a personal note, I challenge you to listen to the song and not get the “na na na” part stuck in your head. Even Pam Beesly hummed it in the “Customer Survey” episode of the office (Season 5 Episode 6). Listen!

4. “Piano Man” by Billy Joel: Now to perform a complete 180 from my last pick, this is one of the saddest songs I can conjure up right now. Billy Joel’s inarguably signature song is about the regulars at a bar where Joel used to work as a piano player. These frequent customers live unhappy, depressing lives but listening to Joel play the piano allows them to forget about reality for a little while and experience a sliver of joy. This song is heartbreaking. Look at some of the subjects of the song. “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine/ He gets me my drinks for free/ And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke/ But there’s someplace he’d rather be/ He says, Bill, I believe this is killing me/ As the smile ran away from his face/ Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star/ If I could get out of this place.” But he doesn’t get out; he’s stuck in his bittersweet purgatory of a bar. And it’s the tragedy of that misplaced optimism that makes me loves this song so much. Listen!

3. “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” by Steam: If I were doing this list scientifically, and I was judging purely by popularity and cultural resonance, this would top the list. The impact and reach of this 1969 hit is immeasurable. I think children in utero know this song already. It can be heard in a bevy of sports venues from baseball to hockey to the non-sport of professional wrestling (most notably during the much anticipated match between Brock Lesnar and Goldberg at Wrestlemania XX, which was without a shadow of a doubt the most disappointing face-off in the history of the business). And not only does the song embrace real life stadiums and fields, it is also widely used in sports movies, such as in “Remember the Titans.” Thanks to the tongue-ensnaring chorus, this song has been made the biggest one hit wonder of music history (kicking the stuffing out of “Macarena”). Listen!

2. “Hey Jude” by The Beatles: Here’s what I knew about “Hey Jude” before I started writing this post. First, it was by The Beatles, and second, it was very pretty sounding. That’s it. But after studying up on it, I discovered that it has a meaningful origin. See, in 1968 John Lennon was getting separated from his wife Cynthia due to John’s affair with Yoko Ono. Cynthia took her and John’s child, Julian, with her. One day Paul McCartney, who was very close to Cynthia and Julian, drove out to visit them and see how they were doing. On the way there he wrote this song, originally called “Hey Jules,” to give Julian some support during what must have been a tough time dealing with his parents’ divorce. McCartney changed the titular name to “Jude” because he felt it sounded better, but the message remained the same. Don’t let a bad situation define you. Do what you can and find happiness. Listen!

1. “Hush” by Deep Purple: Yes, I snubbed Rolling Stones’ number eight pick on the list of 500 Greatest Songs for not only a cover song (the original performer was Billy Joe Royal), but a cover song that only peaked at number four in the U.S. charts when it was released in 1967. But my lists aren’t about outright popularity. They are about what I like the most, and for this list that is this song. I like it because it reminds me of the 60s and 70s, a time in which I never existed and contain only an imagined fondness. I like it because the music and lyrics combine together to create a sound that is frantic, sensual and even a bit eerie. It’s those qualities that make this song so versatile when used in films (In “Taking Woodstock” for its nostalgia inducing capabilities and “I Know What You Did Last Summer” for its spookier effects) and why it touches me so deeply. So, if you don’t like it, then hush. Listen!

Cops: A Bad Influence 20 Years and Counting

I come from a law enforcement family. I am currently related to a myriad of law enforcement officers from detectives to probation officers to correctional officers to prison maintenance men. My great grandfather was even the chief of the state police during the late 50s (although that apparently didn’t end too well). But even with the influence of the criminal justice system in my family life, I have always known one simple truth: The show “Cops” is terrible.

Now, I don’t mean terrible in the sense that it is of poor quality, such as how “Castle” is a terrible show (returning to ABC September 21!). No, I mean it is bad for the people who watch it. It affects the viewers on a subconscious level and after prolonged exposure makes them into inferior human beings.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, “Cops” is a reality television show that began airing on FOX in 1989. The premise of the show is that a camera crew follows around police officers from different cities and films what their shift is like. Now, the important aspect of the show is that a good portion of it is filmed from a first-person view of the camera operator.

This point of view is important because it allows for an extra depth of submersion. After all, first-person view is how we all see the world, so when we see a show like “Cops” or films like “The Blair Witch Project” and “Cloverfield,” it helps us feel as though we are there. And since the camera operator is working with the police, we feel as though we are there and on the same side as the cops. This means that when the cops to catch a meth head or some other public nuisance, we feel as though we helped in some way. I mean, if your football team wins, then you won, too, right? And how do we feel after we did something good like help arrest some villain? That’s right, we feel good.

But, really, we didn’t do anything to feel good. We sat on a sofa chomping away on snack food while our empty eyes reflected flashes of light from the TV screen. But still, due largely to the camera subjective camera, but also to the entire premise of the show, we have that good, prideful feeling. And that feeling, when unearned, is dangerous.

Let’s shift gears here for a second. Say you reward a child for doing something bad. What happens? You just taught that child that when he or she does something bad, they will get a treat. So, in order to get treats, the child will continue doing bad deeds and eventually turn into a small, impish cretin. That’s behaviorism 101. The same logic goes for John Doe watching “Cops” at home. He sits at home watching “Cops,” which while certainly not evil isn’t exactly a venerable deed, and gets rewarded when the police make their arrest. Mr. Doe likes the feeling of being rewarded (of course, this reward is on a subconscious level) and watches more “Cops.” Before you know it, Mr. Doe has gone from a mediocre individual to an obnoxious, arrogant man whose highest point of the day is watching some guy named Jethro get tackled while running down the mean streets of Maynardville, Tennessee.

In short, “Cops” does nothing but enact a feedback loop to cause elitist people to feel more elitist. It is nothing but sensationalist drivel that is as good for the mind as fast-food is for the arteries. However, since it is also as addictive as fast-food, it’s been around for 20 years and will probably be around for 20 more. And all the while it’ll be working its magic on the public, turning semi-decent folks into pretentious parasites.

Oh well, at least we got a catchy theme song out of the deal.

Top Five Favorite Bill Murray Movies

Let’s face facts: Bill Murray is the man. It doesn’t matter if you were born in 1959 or 1999, you have to admit this one universal truth. Maybe you’re a fan of his comedic roles such as in “What About Bob?” or “Caddyshack.” Or perhaps you enjoy his dives into the dramatic arena such as in “Lost in Translation” or “Broken Flowers.” Whether lighthearted or serious, Bill Murray has played at least one role that has touched you. And beyond his stellar acting career that seems to gain depth and complexity as it ages (much like a fine wine or cheese), Bill Murray seems like a kickass person in real life. I mean, he’s in his late 50s and he's crashing college parties. Need I supply more evidence?

Well, this month’s list is my Top Five Favorite Bill Murray Movies in honor of Bill Murray. His birthday is September 21 (he’ll be turning 59), and this seems like an opportune time to give him an early gift.

My only rule for this list is that Bill Murray must be one of the main characters. This means movies like “Caddyshack” will not be making an appearance on this list. As much as I appreciate the character Carl Spackler, it’d be hard to argue he was the film’s protagonist, or even a secondary one at that. But beyond that one rule, any of Mr. Murray’s films are up for grabs. So, without further adieu….

5. “Ghostbusters” (1984) - This film speaks for itself. This Ivan Reitman film helped shape the 80s. Not only was the film written chock full of humor, but it starred two of the funniest actors at the time (Dan Aykroyd and, of course, Bill Murray). Rounding out the other two members of the team were Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson, both of who were perfectly cast. And beyond the people element of the movie, the special effects were stunning at the time and made the film an ocular orgasm. The librarian ghost at the beginning and the proton pack beams are proof enough of that (not to mentioned our beloved Slimer). And, more than anything else, what proves that this movie is great is the fact that 10-year-olds who have no right to know who the Ghostbusters are do. Children are still wearing the T-shirts, playing with the action figures and popping in the video games after 25 years. That's proof of quality. Trailer!

4. “Groundhog Day” (1993) – When I first watched this movie, I wasn’t used to the idea of Bill Murray outside of straight comedies. I was used to my Bill Murray in films like "Stripes" and "Quick Change." But much like Jim Carrey would do five years later with “The Truman Show,” Bill Murray successfully showed us that there was more to him than a clown. Certainly, this Harold Ramis film had its fair share of laughs, but it went deeper than that. It showed the downward spiral Murray’s character took into madness from having to repeat the same day over and over again. Watching Murray kill himself repeatedly just to try to find an escape from his endless cycle of hell was heart-wrenching. And, again, much like Carrey would prove years later, this was just the tip of Murray’s dramatic capabilities. Trailer!

3. “Scrooged” (1988) – I love the story of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” It’s a hopeful and stirring story about a man whose life has gone off track and is given a chance to change his ways after a detailed look at what his past, present and future hold for him. In reality, people aren’t given that kind of opportunity, and I think our want for that chance has helped spawn the continuous remakes of the story. Richard Donner’s “Scrooged” is yet another one of these interpretations. What separates this film from the others, though, is that this is set in present day and the Scrooge character is a greedy TV exec (Murray) who is in process of creating a made-for-TV production of “A Christmas Carol.” The movie is touching and funny, and considering that it made my favorite Christmas movie list, it was probably a no-brainer that it’d make this list as well. Trailer!

2. “Lost in Translation” (2003) – This film marks Murray’s greatest, and probably most successful, leap into the field of drama. Sophia Coppola’s film stars Murray as a movie star who is in Japan filming commercials and creates a friendship with a neglected newlywed (Scarlett Johansson). The film was beautifully shot and aptly caught the loneliness that both Murray and Johansson felt as well as their need to create a bond with somebody. I especially love how this film didn’t have the two main characters get together at the end. They both had their own lives, but they were there for each other when they both needed somebody. They’ll always share that time in Tokyo. Trailer!

1. “Coffee and Cigarettes” (2003) – OK, I admit. I cheated. Kind of. See, this film (directed by Jim Jarmusch) is a series of vignettes with no direct continuity to each other but similar themes and conversations. And, as the name somewhat implies, each scene is centered on people drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. Well, one scene of the film, “Delirium,” stars Bill Murray along with GZA aka the Genius and RZA aka Bobby Digital of the Wu-Tang Clan. The entire scene is less than eight minutes long, but Murray’s role is priceless. He plays himself except he’s in disguise as a waiter trying to hide out from somebody (I swear that portions of this are probably biographical). His role in the scene is underplayed, and I think that’s what makes it so good. The entire thing is so realistic and quirky that it burrowed its way into my heart. Side note: I bet it would be a fun drinking game to take a drink (or a shot) each time they say “Bill Murray” in the scene. Find out here.